What you resist, persists – Dealing with tough feelings.

We have a saying in psychology, what you resist persists. It is completely normal to want to run away when dealing with tough feelings. However, what we know is the harder you try not to feel certain feelings or think certain thoughts, the more they keep returning and the louder they get.

Your feelings are there for a reason, even the tough ones. They are meant to protect you, to give you information, and to spur you to action. They want to be heard and they need to be cared for. Think of your emotions like children. They want your attention, and if you ignore them, they resort to throwing a fit in order to be heard.

Feel it to heal it

Instead of ignoring or pushing away tough feelings, try acknowledging and listening to them. Ask yourself, ‘what is this feeling trying to tell me?’ I know that it is painful, but remember that all feelings are temporary. Once they have been heard and cared for, they will be able to rest.

How to “hear” your emotions better

Mindfulness or Mind Awareness training is a strategy for being able to pay attention to you thoughts and feelings without judgment. This allows you to observe your internal states without getting caught up and swept away by them. Remember the acronym RAIN:

R – recognize; Name it to tame it. Try to observe your thoughts and emotions with curiosity. Give it a label such as “worry thought” or “anger” or “my fear story”. When you can step back and observe, you can listen without preconceived notions and assumptions.

A- allow; Remember that there is no wrong thought or feeling. You do not control these things. They are conditioned responses that happen automatically. You do not need to fix or get rid of your thoughts and feelings.

I- investigate; Try to be curious about the thought or feeling. Ask yourself, where do I feel this in my body? What does this thought or feeling want from me? What could I do to help myself with this thought or feeling?

N- non-identify; You are not your thoughts are feelings. These are transient states not permanent traits. Just because you feel angry does not mean you have to be an angry person. Just because you feel anxious does not mean you are stuck in this feeling forever.

What to do for yourself once you have heard

Now it’s time to take care of yourself. This starts with self-compassion. You will never go wrong by being kind to yourself. Remember self-compassion does not mean self-indulgence or being permissive with yourself. You can break self-compassion down into three steps.

1. Validate – Name your emotion and acknowledge your pain. Reassure yourself that it is ok to feel whatever you feel. There is no wrong feeling.
2. Normalize – All human beings suffer, without exception. Remind yourself that everyone goes through hard times. You are not alone. Just think of the thousands upon thousands of songs, poems, movies, and books that have been written about suffering.
3. Encourage – Give yourself encouragement to take actions that will help you and move away from actions that will keep you stuck harm you.

Need help with this?

This process can be tough, especially if you are trying to go it alone. Consider talking to a therapist to help you through this process. At Playa Vida Therapy and Wellness our mission is to support you in exploring tough emotions, establishing skills to help yourself, and put you on a path to leading a more satisfying life. Want to know more? Reach out to us through our website: www.playavidatherapy.com or give us a call at 750-517-6030. We can’t wait to hear from you!